People cannot be problems; problems are problems.  If, in our dealings with our children, we slip into a place where, whether or not we intend it, our child feels like we think they “are the problem”, defenses will go up, and willingness to deal with the issues will go down.  We behave similarly when our children treat us as if “we are the problem”.  So how can we identify the real problem, and move it towards the middle? Here are some examples: Danny is inattentive and sometimes disruptive in class.  The teacher thinks the student is the “problem”. Danny thinks the teacher is the “problem”.  The parents think the teacher and the student are the “problem”.  The teacher suspects that the parents are the “problem”.  Sarah is generally negative and unresponsive and unusually contrary. You’ve … Read entire article »