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Parenting Your Teens and Media-Part 2
Parenting of teens and children has been here since the beginning of time. Before adolescence came to be, we simply had childhood and then adulthood. However, there has always been a transitional period from childhood to adulthood. There has been some kind of quintessential struggle, in that to rear a child is a juxtiposition of directing a child towards independence, and holding them back when they are about to jump too far, or miss a step. Raising children brings the challenge of choosing our battles, staying uncharged, calm, and rational. Media, in all of its different forms has been here since the beginning of the written word. It’s been here in its most primitive form on cave walls, and its most current form in various virtual medians. There have always been people … Read entire article »
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Russian Roulette and Risky Activity Part 1
There is no better analogy for risky activity, such as drugs, alcohol, unsafe driving, raging, sexual promiscuity, than that of Russian Roulette. Russian Roulette is a self-destructive game originating in Russia, in which a group of people gather with a pistol with one random round in it, spinning the barrel. Each takes a turn pointing the pistol at their head and shooting, hoping and betting that they will not get the single round. Five out of six people end up surviving, and one dies. According to drugrehab.org, approximately 15 million Americans are “dependent” on alcohol. A reported 500,000 of them are children between the ages of 9 and 12. In 2009, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 6.7 percent of the American population used “illicit drugs”. How is drinking and … Read entire article »
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Choosing the Role of Step-Parent Part II
Put boundaries around your financial contributions. Some couples just throw it all together and some keep it separate and well–defined. At least in California, the courts do not consider a step-parent’s income as part of the biological parent’s income. Keeping separate accounts, and having clarity of the step-parent’s contribution to the costs of the house, food etc. allows for the step-parent to gift the family as able, and prevents conflicts about money, expenses, or who is paying for what. It is good for a step-parent to feel that financial contributions are voluntary rather than obligatory. Be mindful, respectful and sensitive to physical and emotional boundaries of step-children. They are not the same as your biological children. The attachments differ significantly depending on the age the children were when you entered their … Read entire article »
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Choosing the Role of Step-Parent Part 1
I have been a step-parent of children on and off for the last 32 years. It is an awesome, rewarding, and sometimes thankless privilege for which I am continually grateful. My relationship with each of my six step-children has brought me opportunities for inner and outer growth. I am a fervent believer in karma, so I know I was meant to be in their lives, and they, in mine. Here are some of the collective lessons I have learned, and joys I continue to cherish. If you are going to be committed to a relationship with someone who already has children, know that the children will be in your life. That is not a choice. If you truly love your partner, you must fully accept their children, or step back before … Read entire article »
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Effective Parenting and Exhaustion–Part 2
Now that you have taken the first step toward effective parenting and you have someone you can talk to, take the second step towards effective parenting. Decide what is working and what isn’t. Then choose one thing that isn’t working. Let’s say it is the morning that is the biggest problem. Bring your family together (make sure your partner is on board). Do this after dinner the night before. Let them know what the drill will be in the morning, what the tasks will be and when the “bus leaves”. Make sure each child knows his/her tasks and has them in writing. Give the kids one wakeup call at the time you think is appropriate, and let them know they will get only one wakeup call. Do not micromanage them, although you … Read entire article »
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Effective Parenting and Exhaustion–Part 1
“Why can’t I get any respect? I am way too nice and I just give everyone too many chances and everything they want…I try to be balanced in life. I struggle; so does everyone. I want to make everyone happy but what about myself? I feel more confused about life than ever. I am sad, I love people so much and I try to always have the right intentions, I want to give people the benefit of the doubt, I hate crying at 7:30 am getting the double flip off fingers………………. I am not very good at curbing my personality to such strong personalities. I wish I knew the answer…. I just need to sit by the river and relax or something…………” These are the words of a mom who just got … Read entire article »
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Feel Powerless in Parenting Your Teens?
What do I do if I have given up all of my parental authority to my kids and feel powerless? Your kids have you programmed. They know exactly how many times to ignore you before you get upset and lose it. You are constantly spending time trying to figure out how to say things to your kids without upsetting them. You are intimidated by the fear that your child will “melt down” and throw a fit. You find yourself apologizing for parenting your own teen. You are worried that your child will stop loving you. You’re arguing with your parenting partner about how to parent teens. You are stepping down to their level, yelling, crying and even swearing at them. They do what they want when they want, and you are … Read entire article »
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Karma Savings Account…It Pays to be Nice!
In parenting teens and children, we often ask why they cannot be nice, or ask nicely. Teens are often told they have a “bad attitude” and parents of teens are known for being annoyed by such behavior. There are many reasons to be nice, kind, cooperative and healthfully compliant The fruits and rewards of “good behavior” are endless. There are often no immediate rewards for being nice, and many of us default to being “snarky”, nasty, contentious, contrary and difficult. Many folks have this negative, aggressive approach confused with “assertiveness”. “If I am difficult, I will get my way. People will strive to please me and give in more easily.” “If I am too nice, people will walk all over me”, “No good deed goes unpunished!” We often even congratulate each other … Read entire article »
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Instructive Criticism in Parenting Teens
There are times when you have to give feedback, corrections or criticism. What if you are a boss , or a parent, or a husband or a wife, or a colleague, or a coach or a great friend? You love the person too much to not reflect your reactions? And yet criticism spoken to unwilling ears is useless, regardless of authority or consequences. And if it is spoken as a threat or a punishment, it ceases to be instructive all together. Well, there is a way to do this inside the parameters of being kind, nice and compassionate. It is called “instructive criticism”. What is “instructive criticism” and why is it better than other forms of criticism? “Destructive” or uncompassionate criticism sounds like; “You failed! You suck. You did that badly. You … Read entire article »
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New School Year, New Story–How to change your story–Help in Parenting Teens-Part 2
At every new juncture and transition, we can change our story and improve our lives. Here is a way parents of teens can help their children of all ages, as well as themselves to have a better, more successful and happier life. 1-Share the story you carry right now with someone who will listen to you. Include the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly. 2-Hold on to the good stuff and pat yourself on the back for it. 3-Select a few elements of your story that you would like to change, and write them down on a card. Make a few copies, one for your room, one for your refrigerator, and one to carry with you. Email or text them to yourself daily. 4-Find out who to ask for help if you … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting help, parenting teens, parenting tips