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Parenting Your Teens and Media-Part 3
Marshall Mckluen, the ‘60s visionary who wrote and lectured on the assets and liabilities of media and particularly television, pointed out that every new invention creates the possibility of making what preceded it obsolete. It depends on the conscious and unconscious intention. Power screwdrivers have been a great time and effort saver, yet we still find uses for a conventional screwdriver. Cars are a daily necessity, and yet we still ride bikes and walk. E-books and audio books offer incredible choices in keeping well-read, and we still buy books. We can hear and see any kind of music in the world with audio devices, and yet we still pay high prices for live concerts. In Mcluen’s illustration of the invention and subsequent societal saturation with the car, he suggests that we must … Read entire article »
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Parenting Your Teens and Media-Part 2
Parenting of teens and children has been here since the beginning of time. Before adolescence came to be, we simply had childhood and then adulthood. However, there has always been a transitional period from childhood to adulthood. There has been some kind of quintessential struggle, in that to rear a child is a juxtiposition of directing a child towards independence, and holding them back when they are about to jump too far, or miss a step. Raising children brings the challenge of choosing our battles, staying uncharged, calm, and rational. Media, in all of its different forms has been here since the beginning of the written word. It’s been here in its most primitive form on cave walls, and its most current form in various virtual medians. There have always been people … Read entire article »
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The Difference Between Success and Achievement Part 2
Now, back to “achievement” and “success” and why it is so important to distinguish the two. Success is about learning something, managing a difficult task, accepting feedback and constructively using it. Success involves doing what you do well and are passionate about in a way that benefits your class, community, or world. Success is delivering your oral report when you are terrified of public speaking. Success is picking up the pieces of a bad “yesterday”, getting up and going and making today a fresh new beginning. Success is born of confidence and confidence is born of success. (see success article) It fulfills us by its very nature and needs not award or prize. Success is the living of all of the ups and downs of a day, and retiring to bed … Read entire article »
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The Difference Between Success and Achievement Part 1
It starts during infancy. We have goals, dreams and expectations for our children in their long journey to adulthood. We acknowledge their achievements, celebrate their successes and cheer them on. We are surprised and disappointed when they fall short of our expectations. We root them on when they meet or exceed them. We are even sometimes competitive with other parents in comparing and heralding our children’s accomplishments and amazing feats. Some of us even chide and yell at coaches and umpires when we feel they have mistreated or misjudged our young one. Done in moderation, our approval, encouragement and pride motivate, inspire and take our children to new and exciting levels. Done in extreme, these things create stress, anxiety, and angst. In informally polling my own students I have found the following things to be … Read entire article »
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Choosing the Role of Step-Parent Part II
Put boundaries around your financial contributions. Some couples just throw it all together and some keep it separate and well–defined. At least in California, the courts do not consider a step-parent’s income as part of the biological parent’s income. Keeping separate accounts, and having clarity of the step-parent’s contribution to the costs of the house, food etc. allows for the step-parent to gift the family as able, and prevents conflicts about money, expenses, or who is paying for what. It is good for a step-parent to feel that financial contributions are voluntary rather than obligatory. Be mindful, respectful and sensitive to physical and emotional boundaries of step-children. They are not the same as your biological children. The attachments differ significantly depending on the age the children were when you entered their … Read entire article »
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Choosing the Role of Step-Parent Part 1
I have been a step-parent of children on and off for the last 32 years. It is an awesome, rewarding, and sometimes thankless privilege for which I am continually grateful. My relationship with each of my six step-children has brought me opportunities for inner and outer growth. I am a fervent believer in karma, so I know I was meant to be in their lives, and they, in mine. Here are some of the collective lessons I have learned, and joys I continue to cherish. If you are going to be committed to a relationship with someone who already has children, know that the children will be in your life. That is not a choice. If you truly love your partner, you must fully accept their children, or step back before … Read entire article »
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Effective Parenting and Exhaustion–Part 2
Now that you have taken the first step toward effective parenting and you have someone you can talk to, take the second step towards effective parenting. Decide what is working and what isn’t. Then choose one thing that isn’t working. Let’s say it is the morning that is the biggest problem. Bring your family together (make sure your partner is on board). Do this after dinner the night before. Let them know what the drill will be in the morning, what the tasks will be and when the “bus leaves”. Make sure each child knows his/her tasks and has them in writing. Give the kids one wakeup call at the time you think is appropriate, and let them know they will get only one wakeup call. Do not micromanage them, although you … Read entire article »
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Effective Parenting and Exhaustion–Part 1
“Why can’t I get any respect? I am way too nice and I just give everyone too many chances and everything they want…I try to be balanced in life. I struggle; so does everyone. I want to make everyone happy but what about myself? I feel more confused about life than ever. I am sad, I love people so much and I try to always have the right intentions, I want to give people the benefit of the doubt, I hate crying at 7:30 am getting the double flip off fingers………………. I am not very good at curbing my personality to such strong personalities. I wish I knew the answer…. I just need to sit by the river and relax or something…………” These are the words of a mom who just got … Read entire article »
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Feel Powerless in Parenting Your Teens?
What do I do if I have given up all of my parental authority to my kids and feel powerless? Your kids have you programmed. They know exactly how many times to ignore you before you get upset and lose it. You are constantly spending time trying to figure out how to say things to your kids without upsetting them. You are intimidated by the fear that your child will “melt down” and throw a fit. You find yourself apologizing for parenting your own teen. You are worried that your child will stop loving you. You’re arguing with your parenting partner about how to parent teens. You are stepping down to their level, yelling, crying and even swearing at them. They do what they want when they want, and you are … Read entire article »
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Karma Savings Account…It Pays to be Nice!
In parenting teens and children, we often ask why they cannot be nice, or ask nicely. Teens are often told they have a “bad attitude” and parents of teens are known for being annoyed by such behavior. There are many reasons to be nice, kind, cooperative and healthfully compliant The fruits and rewards of “good behavior” are endless. There are often no immediate rewards for being nice, and many of us default to being “snarky”, nasty, contentious, contrary and difficult. Many folks have this negative, aggressive approach confused with “assertiveness”. “If I am difficult, I will get my way. People will strive to please me and give in more easily.” “If I am too nice, people will walk all over me”, “No good deed goes unpunished!” We often even congratulate each other … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting help, parenting teens, parenting tips