Perfectionism—An issue for all ages–or 80/20!

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by on April 26, 2012 at 9:43 pm

 I was one of those kids who would be upset that an A- was not an A or A+.  I feel frustrated and annoyed at a 780 credit score, balking at the things that I “got marked down for”.  (780 is a very high score, sufficient for any loan)

 I used to get up each morning with the intention of having a “perfect day”, of never saying “the wrong thing”, showing up on time, and doing it all right.  When I got home, I asked myself the question “Was I the best and did I do the best I could do today in all situations? How close to perfect was I?”  The answer was usually no, as I poured over the few things that I “messed up’ during the day, thus forgetting and ignoring the many, many, right and good things I did that day.  One person’s negative comment would overshadow 100 positive comments.

  One day, a dear mentor said to me, “Why don’t you try arriving home today, opening your door and asking the question, “Was I human today!?!”  This leaves so much more room for success, and mistakes!

 So, in my quest for sanity, inner-peace and mental health, I came up with this great affirmation “80/20”.   80/20 is code for “I expect to do about 80% of what I do today well and correctly, and I may do less than well, or just flat out wrong, 20%. 

So when I mess up, I say to myself “80/20” which means, “I acknowledge I made a mistake, I will do what I can to apologize if necessary, own the mistake and make it right.  I will not dwell on it or beat myself up over it.  Some mistakes I will not be able to fix.

 I will love myself and others, just the same.  I will embrace and bless my imperfections! After all, 80% is a B which is above average. Caution, if you start noticing that your code is becoming 60/40 or 50/50 or worse, it is time to do some inner and practical work!

 

c. Rick Concoff 2011

in Self confidence

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How much is your honor worth?

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by on February 18, 2012 at 10:42 pm

When you are trying to make a decision about being honest, this is great test for your value system.

Before doing something that has a feeling of dishonesty, or when trying to decide if something is right or wrong, ask your self, “How much is my honor worth?”

Here are examples of situations you might question:

  • You keep the change when you give someone a $10 and get change back for a $20.
  • Whoops, you get to the car with your bags of merchandise and notice a bag of M&M’s they forgot to charge you for. You figure what the heck and don’t go back in.
  • You back into a pole in your own driveway and no one sees. You tell the insurance company it was a hit and run and collect the damages.
  • You take a sample out of the “natural foods bin” at the grocery store without any intention of buying the snack.
  • You go to the movies and buy tickets for you and your two siblings who are over 12, but you say they are 10 and 11.
  • You are mentioned in a newspaper article! You open the rack, take 5 papers , but only pay for one.
  • You open your car door into another car, leaving a significant scratch, but drive away without leaving a note.
  • You have a fancy dinner to go to but have nothing to wear.  So you “buy” a $200 outfit at the department store, wear it, and return it the next day saying “it doesn’t fit”.
  • You routinely tell every waiter you were “unsatisfied’ with something  and demand your money back.
  • Your bill comes at the restaurant, minus one entrée you ordered and ate, and you say nothing.
  • You pay for one mail order item, but receive two by mistake. You keep the extra one.
  • You take advantage of “…or your money back” deals by buying a product, using part, and then returning it for a full refund.
  • You make a habit of being “short a few cents” and always leave it for the cashier to absorb.
  • You “borrow” money from your friends and teachers and never “remember” to pay it back.
  • You shoplift an mp3 player from Target because “they are so big it won’t hurt them.”

In each one of these instances the monetary impact ranges from a few cents to several thousand dollars.  In each incident, you are affirming that the price of your honor is the amount you “saved”, “didn’t return”, or “forgot to return.”  Choose one of the above examples, and say out loud, “My honor is worth 6 chocolate almonds from the natural food bin.”  “My honor is worth the $12 I saved in movie tickets by lying about our ages.” “My honor is worth the $500 deductible I won’t have to pay for the car I damaged myself.”

You will be surprised how much your life habits and actions will change and how easy it will be to stay out of trouble and sleep at night if you just ask yourself that simple question.

By Rick Concoff, Ma c 2011

in Uncategorized

Clear Way to Make a Good, Right Decision–Sentiment or Heart; Flip a Coin

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by on January 28, 2012 at 6:54 am

 

Imagine you have a decision to make.  It is a difficult decision and one that necessitates mindful attention.  The decision is a huge one, one that will take you on a very different path than any other decision.  Or, it is a small, but essential, pivotal decision of the moment.

Try the following practice.

Notice your sentiment.  Sentiment is feeling based on emotion, opinion, self-concern, fear, sadness, nostalgia. It has the Latin root word for “feel” in its very fiber.  It often starts with “I should…”, “I am afraid…”, “What if…”,

“I will miss…”, “I fear..”, “I can’t…”, “I shouldn’t,,”  It has lots of “buts” and “ifs”.

After you immerse yourself in your sentiment, know that it is not a great basis for a decision.  It could cause you to miss a great opportunity.  It could cause you to stay in a bad situation.  It will confuse you and make you

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