ParentingPanicButton » Relationships
When Someone Dies
I just came home from the funeral of a parent of former students of mine – a friend, and a member of my community. As I arrived at the synagogue at 1:30 pm on a Friday afternoon, I found a full parking lot and the sanctuary to capacity. We all dropped what we had planned to be there to remember Barbara and support her family. Young adults should not have to bury a parent so early in life, and a mother should not have to bury her daughter. On the way, I had called my brother in LA and left him a message, “Hey Bill, we should get together, go to a game, catch up. How about we spend some time together soon?” We are both busy, doing similar work in the … Read entire article »
Filed under: Relationships
Some of the best advice I ever got “Feel your Feelings”
So much of what I bring here has come from and through others in my life. Mentors, advisors, teachers, family members, friends and yes, even “teachers” I wish I hadn’t had at all. It was fall, three years ago, the beginning of my self-given sabbatical year. I had everything: love, health, income, friends and a new professional path. Yet, I was sad, down, full of melancholy, and a bit lost, as if something was missing. “I shouldn’t be feeling this way…” I shared with a dear friend. “I should be happy”, I added. My friend explained to me the challenge with the statements I had just made. At the moment I make the statement, “I should” or “I shouldn’t”, I create a wall which stops the feeling abruptly, and buries it. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Relationships
Clear Way to Make a Good, Right Decision–Sentiment or Heart; Flip a Coin
Imagine you have a decision to make. It is a difficult decision and one that necessitates mindful attention. The decision is a huge one, one that will take you on a very different path than any other decision. Or, it is a small, but essential, pivotal decision of the moment. Try the following practice. Notice your sentiment. Sentiment is feeling based on emotion, opinion, self-concern, fear, sadness, nostalgia. It has the Latin root word for “feel” in its very fiber. It often starts with “I should…”, “I am afraid…”, “What if…”, “I will miss…”, “I fear..”, “I can’t…”, “I shouldn’t,,” It has lots of “buts” and “ifs”. After you immerse yourself in your sentiment, know that it is not a great basis for a decision. It could cause you to miss a great opportunity. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Featured, parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips, Relationships
The Power of the “Relationship Quality Control Checklist”
A number of years ago, I had gotten out of a difficult, dysfunctional relationship which I had freely chosen (for what I now believe are the lessons I needed to learn). Those lessons have put me in a fantastic place today, and I am grateful for that journey. When I entered past relationships (“significant-other” types) I did not ask the right questions of myself pertinent to the values, views, attitudes, disposition, temperament, religious issues, political views, social behaviors, social habits, and many other issues related to happiness and success of the relationship. In past times, once I became attracted to the individual and entered the relationship (often because the person “wanted to be with me”), I became blinded towards my needs, values and moreover BOUNDARIES. I moved into a place of becoming … Read entire article »
Filed under: Relationships