Karma Savings Account…It Pays to be Nice!

In parenting teens and children, we often ask why they cannot be nice, or ask nicely.  Teens are often told they have a “bad attitude” and parents of teens are known for being annoyed by such behavior.

There are many reasons to be nice, kind, cooperative and healthfully compliant 

The fruits and rewards of “good behavior” are endless.  There are often no immediate rewards for being nice, and many of us default to being “snarky”, nasty, contentious, contrary and difficult.  Many folks have this negative, aggressive approach confused with “assertiveness”.  “If I am difficult, I will get my way. People will strive to please me and give in more easily.”  “If I am too nice, people will walk all over me”, “No good deed goes unpunished!”  We often even congratulate each other for “not backing down”.

So……Why be nice? 

Why be kind?  Why should you slow down and graciously let the person change lanes right in front of you?  Why should you let the person behind you in line at the market who has only 2 items go in front of you?   Why should you treat the anonymous person behind the voice on the phone with respect?  Why should you step back and consider that you may be wrong this time?

Why should you hold the door open for the slow walking elderly person?  Why should you cut some slack to the waitress who is behind because the cooks are slow? Why shouldn’t you tailgate?  Why not keep the extra change accidently given to you by the checker?

When parenting your teens, these are moments for you and your teen to practice “being nice” and the payoff is huge!

Nice attracts nice, and mean attracts mean.  Being nice is a lot like “good karma”.   My understanding of karma is not that if you are good, then good things happen to you and if you are bad, then bad things happen to you.  It can’t be that simple.  Karma is about doing the right thing at the right time, being where you are supposed to be, showing up for your destiny, and being mindful of opportunities that call on you to lend a helping hand.

I believe it is more about the span of a lifetime, the accumulation of your many actions, deeds, mistakes, and the ownership of all of them.  It is about flipping the switch and “defaulting” to nice instead of unkind.  It is about being a “door opener”, rather than a “door mat”.  It is about mindful restraint of the urge to scold, criticize, yell, shame, beat down, abuse and dominate whether you are parenting your teen, supervising your employee, or working with your spouse.   It is about empathy and understanding going both ways.

It is, in a way a lot like a bank account.  You routinely and periodically feed that account with large deposits, as well as small deposits.  You leave it alone and it usually grows and is there when you need it.  When things go bad, you can fall back on it.  That’s because you made friends with people who are also nice and kind and they are in your inner circle.

Reasons to default to nice rather than “snarky”:

1-It feels better.

2-People treat you better.

3-People listen to you when you really need to be tough or strong.

4-You sleep better at night.

5-You enjoy life more.

6-You actually get your way more often.

7-You diffuse anger and bad behavior.

8.  You like yourself more.

9.  You feel more healthy.

Bottom line…It pays to be nice!

Rick Concoff c 2012

So how can you be nice, and give people the feedback that you feel compelled to give them?

Please read the article on parenting teens effectively:  “Instructive Criticism”.