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Collateral, Currency and Consequences Part 2

Definitions and Solutions Collateral Something that is in place that can be withheld or taken away if agreements are not kept.  (Have relatives give you the money to be trustee of when they give money to your child, you can give it out as deserved or use it to fix broken windows, negligently or maliciously damaged property, late fines at libraries and video stores, etc.…)  Collateral accounts can be in the bank collecting interest for college or put aside for that special camp or trip your child wants to go to. Currency That material or non-material thing that motivates your child towards good citizenship and behavior.    These can be money, treats, trips, excursions and material rewards.  For others it can be praise, redemption, forgiveness, playing table games, outings, “parent-child” days, time on computer, cell … Read entire article »

Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips

Collateral, Currency and Clout Part 1

Child- Healthy Substitutes for Punishment, Shame, Blame, Arguing, Yelling, or Hurting We love our children, and always will, no matter how much they frustrate, upset, disappoint or anger us. From the day they are born, it is their job to push away from us on a journey to become independent, “big” and in love with freedom.   The deep love we have for our children is our joy and our nemesis.   So often, people can see from the outside that our kids are “working us” and clearly in the drivers seat.  We may see it but fall prey to its power, or the desire for avoidance of conflict.  And, so often we see it clearly in the dynamic between other children and their parents.    Why is it so hard for us to … Read entire article »

Filed under: parenting advice, parenting tips

Where Do Our Children Learn Bullying? From us!

Driving is an easy vehicle to practice ending the “bullying cycle” You are driving the safe speed limit on a windy country road after dark and the person behind you is in a hurry.  You can feel the tension.  You can see the tension through the flashing high beams.  There is nowhere to pull off and the double yellow line is properly painted to discourage passing.  You can see the look on the person’s face and they are motioning you to speed up.  You know any faster would be unsafe, and the impatient driver behind you doesn’t care.  He is determined to make you go faster, flashing lights, motioning for you to pull over or speed up, honking and shaking his hand at you.  There is nowhere to pull over!  The … Read entire article »

Filed under: parenting advice, parenting tips